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Nurse Saying - "You Might Be a Nurse
If…"
*You can drink a pot of coffee and
still go to sleep in the morning.

*You believe every patient needs TLC:
Thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine.

*You can´t see it; it´s probably not
there.

*Your sense of humor seems to get more
warped each year.

*You think it is acceptable to
use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal
conversation.

*You believe the definition of stress
is when you wake up screaming and you
realize you haven´t fallen asleep yet.

*You believe that if warm wine enemas
were routinely ordered, patient
complaints would greatly decrease.

*You call some of your co-
workers "Flowers in the Field of
Medicine" because they´re bloomin´
idiots.

*You hope there´s a special place in
Hell for the inventor of the call
light.

*You believe not all patients are
annoying. Some are dead.

*You believe experience is something
you don´t get until just after you need
it.

*You see stress as a normal way of
life.

*You have a tendency to laugh at your
patient´s "big" problems.

*You know the phone numbers of every
late night food delivery place in town
by heart.

*You believe the problem with the gene
pool is that there is no lifeguard.

*You´ve ever thought, "Patients, God
love ´em, because today, I sure don´t!"

*Everything only happens all at once.

*You have more T-shirts that say, "Love
a nurse PRN" than plain T-shirts.

*You´ve ever referred to other nurses
as "Band-Aid Bunnies."

*You´ve ever been telling work stories
in a restaurant and had someone at
another table throw-up.

*You write a patient report and have to
translate it to medical records because
of all the acronyms in it.

*You notice that you use more four-
letter words now than before you became
a nurse.

*You look in your closet and can´t find
anything non-medical to wear.

*You´ve ever told anyone in pain
to "stop being a baby and deal with
it."

*You have a patient in four-point
leathers that asks if you´re a nurse,
you reply "Yes", and walk away.

*You´ve ever told a patient to "stop
faking it."

*You believe all bleeding
stops…eventually.

*You don´t get excited about blood loss
unless it´s your own.

*You don´t hit patients or
doctors….unless absolutely necessary.

*You believe the pain will go away when
it stops hurting.

*Anything that can go wrong, will go
wrong and if nothing has gone wrong,
you´ve obviously don´t understand the
situation.

*You believe if you can keep your head
among all this confusion, you obviously
don´t understand the situation.

*You´ve ever said, "Why am I here?"

*If you believe if a patient who has a
catheter, he needs it.

*Everyone gets treated exactly the
same…until they piss you off.

*When you get a call telling you the
name of your next admit and you can do
the care plan before the patient gets
to the floor.

*When called for orders, the MD
says, "Write them yourself; you know
the patient better than I do."

*You´ve ever had to contend with
someone who thinks constipation for 4
hours is an emergency.

*Ever rolled your eyes when the 14
year-
old says, "No, I´ve never had sex."

*You refer to motorcyclists as organ
donors.

*You can eat a candy bar with one hand
while performing digital stimulation on
your patient with the other hand, and
it doesn´t bother you.

*You believe Tylenol, Advil, or
Excedrin provides a large part of your
daily calorie intake requirements.

*You´ve ever held a 14-gauge needle
over someone´s vein and said, "Now your
going to feel a little stick."

*You can identify the "PID Shuffle" and
the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 15 feet.

*You´ve ever had a patient with a nose
ring, a brow ring and twelve earrings
say, "I´m afraid of shots."

*You´ve ever thought, "As long as he´s
got a pulse, I don´t care about the
rhythm."

*You think the ultimate cruel joke is
get someone drunk, take them to the ER